Hi guys! Sorry for disappearing for so long. After I wrote my last post for this website, everything in life started to get a little crazy. From my own finals and using the calming methods I suggested to searching for a job as soon as school ended, to having to get my cats updated on their vaccines and participating in events for them on Instagram... I've just been super busy and I didn't mean to be.

A quick update: I do have a job now, so that's another reason I haven't been online. I usually work until closing hours, which means when I get home I'm absolutely beat and have about zero time to do anything for myself. But it's okay, because I'm making money and paying my own rent now.

I don't want to talk too much about myself and whats been going on simply because I have some posts that I'll be incorporating my month-long hiatus events into. I will, however, tell you some things you can look forward to in the coming days to weeks:

Also, I'm working on making a YouTube channel for my cats, so keep your eyes out for that too, because I definitely will be shamelessly self-advertising. I'm also trying to work out streaming but...well, that's not going so well. I keep hitting multiple dead ends.

Anyways, I hope you've all been doing well. I have, albeit I am a bit tired lately. I'll be updating more, though, so keep your eyes peeled.

If you plan to hike Lenox, wear shoes that have a good grip because the loose cinders do make going up and down difficult. I read somewhere that they make going downhill easy, because they absorb impact, but in all honesty I found going downhill the worst due to the fact that the trail and cinders were so tightly packed after so many feet walking over them that there was nothing for my shoes to grip. I probably could've run down the hill and the only thing that would've stopped me was a tree in my path that I'd inevitably run into. Other than that, the trail is marked well and according to a volunteer we spoke with, the trail was recently remade into the side-winding trail it is today. Apparently, it used to go straight up the side of the crater in the past—something I'm grateful wasn't what we had to deal with yesterday. The wind already almost blew me off the mountain as it was, and Jeremy and I joked around a lot about pulling me up the mountain. I couldn't imagine what it would've been like if it were a straight shot. Do make sure when hiking to pay attention to the logs, because there are times where the cinders mix with other cinders and the trail seemingly disappears.

The description of the trail itself is a bit of a letdown. It's described that at the top you'll be given a view of the San Francisco Peaks, the Bonito Lava Flow, and Sunset Crater. At the rim of Lenox Crater, all you can see is the San Francisco Peaks. There's no lookout to see Bonito or Sunset Crater, you only see these two things when walking down from Lenox Crater's rim. Because of this, I didn't believe that we had actually reached the top of the crater when, in fact, we had. So I was a bit disappointed, and there was even a point where we backtracked to Lenox's rim because I thought there was going to be more, and I missed some pictures I really wanted taken.

Lenox itself isn't your typical volcano with a crater. More of a small cinder cone with a hole on its side, which was filled up by Sunset Crater when it erupted. So if you look closely over the rim of Lenox, you see what almost looks like a lake of cinders from Sunset Crater's eruption filling up Lenox. I kept picturing how cool it would be if it were a lake. Overall, the hike was not as strenuous as advertised but definitely take your time if you're unaccustomed to walking on loose cinders. Hiking Lenox was made a lot more difficult due to the wind, so I suggest passing it up on a windy Flagstaff day—although it isn't impossible. I thought going downhill was harder than uphill. Still, a ton of fun and it would have been more awesome to spend more time at Lenox's rim with maybe lunch if not for the fact that the wind was cutting off my air supply and attempting to send me over the edge and rolling down to the base of the crater.

Despite the information page saying Lenox would only take an hour, Jeremy and I were anticipating longer since we are both out of shape—but as it turned out, we started up the side at noon and returned to the base again at 1PM. Since we had time to spare, we decided to keep walking along the trails next to the lava flows and over to the visitor lookout where the Lava Flow Trail officially began, which we also hiked.

The Lava Flow Trail has an official trail and a more side-access like extra part to the trail, according to a volunteer we spoke with. He mentioned that the side access part was his favorite thing about the trail because it took you past the largest conifer pine in the area. Considering vegetation can't really grow in lava flows, and when they do it's difficult, Jeremy and I decided that we'd walk that area to see this largest conifer they were talking about—and also because we still had a lot of spare time than we were expecting to have ended Lenox with.

So Lava Flow Trail is another 1-mile round trip loop trail, and compared to Lenox this was super easy. It was a nice relaxed walk rather than a hike, and it definitely was enjoyable to just meander among the lava before ending our day out. There are moderate parts of the hike, most of it involving stepping over and pulling yourself up over chunks of lava on the trail. But it's nothing that will slow you down too much.

When hiking along the Lava Flow Trail, you get an amazing glimpse of different geology. Highland desert, a lot of conifers, and cinders everywhere. I love walking through places like this an imagining what it could have looked like before the multiple volcanoes in the area shaped the land into what it looks like now. I love imagining what it could have been like to be an ancient native living in the area. Along with hiking among the lava flow, you also pass along the base of Sunset Crater. Jeremy and I both kept looking up at Sunset Crater wishing we could hike up to the top of it. Sadly, that's not allowed. But it's amazing to think about it.

So, all-in-all, I packed way too much food and water (better safe than sorry) and it was an extremely windy Flagstaff day, which made the hiking difficult (and breathing too), and I woke up sore this morning (I'm extremely out of shape, oops) but it was all worth it to spend time in the great outdoors that I love so much, when I haven't been out camping or hiking in so long. It was even better to spend it with my boyfriend who doubles as my best friend. There were a lot of mistakes made yesterday since we're both out of shape, and there was a lot of laughter and joking around about the wind. And it was amazing.

If any of you have a chance to head out to Sunset Crater, it's gorgeous out there and definitely worth visiting! There's a lot to learn at Sunset Crater between the craters and domes in the area and the history. The hikes are easy and worth the time.

I hate the doctors, and I'm not really sure why. I think the only "doctor" I ever really enjoyed going to was my orthodontist...and my rheumatologist. Sort of. And although I loved my pediatrician growing up as a person, I still loathed the idea of going to see a doctor. Don't even get me started on visiting dentists (which is ironic since orthodontists also worked in the mouth but dentists will literally make me cry?)

Okay, maybe hate is a strong word (actually, not maybe—it is a strong word) but I really, really didn't like Valentine's Day. This dislike mainly stemmed from the fact that, at home, I saw my father and mother love each other each and every day. Sure, he bought not only my mother, but me as well, flowers and chocolates or a card on Valentine's...but he also did those things during the year, as well. My dad always buys my mom lilies on Easter and poinsettias in December. He gets her a card for Mother's dad and her birthday. Every time she goes on a trip somewhere, even if it's just a 2-hour day trip, he kisses her before she gets in the car and tells her to drive safe.

When I was in elementary school, Valentine's Day didn't seem so bad. It was a day to appreciate friends, get cards, and also get candy. As I grew up and got closer to about the 5th grade and eased my way into middle school...well, everything at that stage in life was about who was crushing on who—at least at my school it was. So I started to dislike Valentine's slowly. Because all I saw were guys buying one or two girls in particular gifts to win her over. I literally mean one guy would buy her flowers and chocolates, and then another guy would show up with a giant bear holding a heart, flowers, and chocolate. They were all competing. For the same girl. Okay, yes, she was pretty. She was nice. We can't deny these things. But at my middle school it just became a competition for the one popular girl's attention. I can't even say heart, because who takes dating seriously at that age?

Basically, it was nothing my parents taught me about Valentine's Day. To me, Valentine's Day was about showing love you should be showing every day of the year to people you care about. Not just significant others, but your family and friends and parents, as well.

It got worse in high school. By the time high school rolled around, I had basically labeled Valentine's Day as a "commercial holiday"—where the point was literally just to buy chocolates, stuffed animals, and flowers to toss at the person you supposedly "liked" to just have it tossed aside after a few months when it started to take up too much storage space...and then forget you liked the person and spent money on them, anyway. I wasn't even bitter, either. I still got cards and flowers from my dad. My mom gave me chocolates. My brother would get me a card. My best guy friend would buy me chocolates or a card. But these people are all people I also received love from throughout the year. My parents have always provided for and loved me. My brother shows his appreciation in his own way. My best guy friend would buy me flowers or gifts on my birthday, or if he couldn't do that he'd write me a letter. So getting gifts from them on Valentine's day just meant I was either getting something edible or red. So, I got attention on Valentine's, but I still hated the holiday.

As I got to my senior year in high school my dislike for Valentine's slowly dwindled to a slight annoyance. It was still, at that point, mainly about pleasing the most popular girl on campus. There was still always one or two people that had the most bouquets or balloons they were walking around with. But I just started to ignore it and focus on myself, my family, and friends. Valentine's Day isn't special and it shouldn't be special. I decided if people make it special because they suddenly get spoiled and get a lot of attention from their significant other, then they obviously aren't appreciated or appreciative of that significant other. I took on this perspective at the end of high school, but it was further solidified when I started dating Jeremy.

Sure, I'll admit that I enjoyed the first Valentine's Day date with Jeremy—our first couple of months together. It was my first time being treated special on Valentine's. It was my first time having a guy plan out an entire surprise date for me. I think Jeremy saved the surprise date for Valentine's Day for that exact reason. He was well aware I'd never had a boyfriend before. So, yes, Valentine's Day 2014 was extremely special to me and I liked being spoiled. I liked being taken to a nice Mexican restaurant and then taken to an observatory and getting flowers and some chocolate. But even before that date, Jeremy already made me feel special. He already did little things to show he cared and he would always leave me little gifts—even if it was just a sticky note or a message on Facebook or even a text message—for me to wake up to. So when my first Valentine's Day where I got a cute, handsome, charming man to myself to spoil me happened...well, I loved it. I felt special.

But I also had already felt appreciated for every single day before Valentine's that Jeremy and I spent together.

Like I said in my previous Valentine's 2016 Date post...after the special day, Jeremy and I do exchange chocolates or flowers on Valentine's Day. But we also treat it like any other date day that we set aside every month. It's nothing special. It's just a day where I find an excuse to dress up for our date and then we go out and do normal, non-special things. We spend the same amount of money on each other that we usually would and we share our time together. Just like we do every month.

I still think of Valentine's Day as a commercial holiday. It's a day where stores prey on couples who feel insecure in their relationships or who just feel like they haven't been spending enough time together. But why use Valentine's Day as the excuse to suddenly start spending time together? To realize how you're loving your significant other? Spend every day treating them special. You don't need to spend a crap ton of money on someone in order to do that. Gifts, flowers, chocolates, and items with red hearts aren't required to make someone feel special. Just your love and undivided attention, and a tad bit of quality time. Gifts are nice, but they don't mean everything. Especially if it's a white teddy bear holding a heart that says "I LOVE YOU" that'll just collect dust on a shelf or the back of the closet when the month of February is over.

Between Jeremy and myself, Valentine's Day isn't anything special. Every month we have a day we set aside as our "Date Day" and it's this little tradition we've kept going since we started dating, just as a way to always appreciate each other and take some time for us. Because Valentine's Day is in February, and because you can get some fairly sweet deals on Valentine's—that's the day we go on our monthly date. That being said, I personally have nothing for or against Valentine's Day. I'll get into that at a later date.

Anyway, I have to admit last year's Valentine's was a bit busier. We went exploring downtown, visited our favorite tea shop, I got some pretty flowers from Jeremy, we went to a chocolate shop together and discovered everything was insanely over-priced, discovered a new Thai restaurant that we now love, and then went and got my anti-helices pierced. Pretty sweet.

This year wasn't like that very much, but the simplicity of it all was nice. We explored downtown again—that's usually our go-to thing. Downtown is always changing. The stores are constant but the activities are always different, and so it's fun to just walk it with Jeremy and window shop and pop into some of our favorite stores just to explore. I never thought I'd actually find someone I could window shop with, of all things. But that's my Jeremy for you! This time, instead of exploring stores like usual, we were mainly focused on scoping out food places for our Valentine's Day lunch and also for future reference. There are a ton of food places we've yet to try, and whenever we say we're going to go somewhere new, we don't. So we forced ourselves to find somewhere new to try.

First off, my day actually started by waking up to this cutie pie's face:


Ghost woke me up with the treat of him gazing down at me lovingly (or maybe he just wanted me to wake up and open the bathroom for him, who really knows) and purring. So Jeremy and I cuddled with him for a while and set about getting ready for the day. We discovered in the midst of getting ready that our water heater was acting up again, but I told Jeremy there was absolutely no way someone was coming out today because we had plans.

To me, the point of relationships is to grow constantly. Even after marriage, you and your significant other as individual people should be growing. Together, you should also be growing. There should always be surprises and new things in relationships. I'll admit, once you become accustomed to each other they probably won't appear as often—but there should still be things that are new, exciting, and unknown you and your significant other are learning about one another. Or, at the very least, growing. Sometimes you'll hit obstacles that will cause you to grow closer and overcome them together, whether that obstacle is physical, mental, or even just disagreements between one another. That's how relationships should be.

Yesterday gave me a huge headache. Between the boyfriend putting things off all week and it frustrating me because all the errands that needed to be tended to piled up to yesterday, and then getting annoyed with each other because we weren't sure if an assignment for our class was due at 9pm or 11:59pm and we thought we were cutting it close, and also between him telling me to "calm down" as a joke constantly for the last week and a half when I was neither stressed, angry, or upset—my patience was wearing thin. I was getting annoyed, and being really snappy (being told to "calm down" when I'm already calm rubs me the wrong way).

But then, to top it all off, our plumbing system decided to take a—no pun intended—huge crap.

Whether it was the recent snowstorm we had, the pipes not being insulated correctly (I wouldn't put it passed our landlord), the fact that we didn't drip hot water enough during the freezing and below temperatures, or the fact that our piping is shared with four other houses...I don't know. I don't know what happened, but our toilet got clogged on Tuesday. Hey, no big deal. It happens. We're used to it. Later that night, the toilet started to work perfectly fine.

Wake up Wednesday, toilet starts acting strange. Also something we are used to, and we think nothing of it. It fills really high, then drains out really low and won't fill back to where the water normally sits. We plunge it throughout the day on and off thinking that whatever is making the toilet act weird is just lodged and it'll move after a while. Well, we were wrong.

We didn't know this at the time but the other houses on the lot were having the same trouble—and they were also adding to the problem just as much as we were. Since our house is the smallest, though, we got most of the problems. Like, after plunging so much, it started to back flood into our tub, and at one point our kitchen sink. The tub back flow never drained, either. Then the pipes under our kitchen sink started to leak. And then, at one point, when we were trying to plunge, water started to come up from under the toilet through the floor where the wall and tiles meet.

That's when we decided to stop, call our landlord, and pray the house didn't completely burst at the seems overnight while we slept—unable to shower or even wash off, since the sink piping was leaking, the disgusting toilet water we had on us from cleaning up what flooded onto the floor.

So basically, what I'm trying to get at in the midst of yesterday and part of today completely sucking—we were a boyfriend and girlfriend of 2 years stinky and disgusting, covered in toilet water and who-the-hell-knows-what, unable to shower and unable to pee. TMI, but we ended up each peeing into respective plastic cups and dumping that into a leftover empty liter soda bottle we were about to recycle.

That's when I decided to stop being annoyed with Jeremy, because the situation at hand was so gross it beat out my annoyance. But, hey, we got to experience something extremely strange (and, yes, gross as I said) together.

I did, however, bawl at one point last night and tell him I wanted my mom. And neither of us were able to make it to class today since we had to be present for the plumber the landlord sent out to fix the sewage (she's sent a person into our house before without telling us, so we aren't exactly comfortable letting her workers come and go), and also make sure our cats didn't escape.

Good news is everything is in working order again, the plumber was a pretty chill guy, we both showered as soon as the guy left, and we both feel better now.

Growing and learning experiences...how fun! Ha. But mark my words, when the only toilet in the house no longer works you will definitely reach an all-new level of partnership with your significant other.

Such fickle things, New Year's resolutions are. You're either a person devoted to them and takes them too seriously, doesn't take them seriously enough and either regrets your choices by the time the year ends or laughs it off as yourself and resolutions being a joke not to have been taken seriously in the first place—or you're stuck somewhere in between all of this.

I'm the person that's stuck in-between. Honestly, being stuck in between isn't such a bad state. It means you make New Year's resolutions, but that you don't devote and dedicate your lives to them and then waste away when they aren't completed. But it also doesn't mean you take them as a joke and just make a list to look like a good little member of society who makes resolution lists. It means you take them slightly seriously, but are a little more relaxed with the intensity that you attempt to achieve them.

For the most part, I personally think it's better to work in such a way. Treating resolutions as yearly goals is a better perspective in general. Why? Well, because that's all they really are, and you have an entire year to achieve them. It's always nice to sit down at the end of each year (or beginning of the year) and figure out some New Year's resolutions in order to try and figure out what your goals for the year are. Your goals change throughout the year, depending on what is most important to you and what is going on at certain points in your life. That's not a bad thing, which is why I think taking resolutions too seriously can be a bad thing. So it's always nice that New Year's comes around and everyone starts asking about resolutions—because it allows you as a person to sit down and think, "What is it I want to do this year the most?"

Above all, you should enjoy your resolutions. They are made and tailored with yourself in mind. You're picking them for certain reasons. They're something you really want to work to achieve. Achieving them can feel great in the end and really boost your self esteem, which is always a good thing. But it's always a good thing to keep in mind that you should achieve resolutions at your own pace, and it should be a healthy pace. It shouldn't physically or mentally wear you down. Resolutions are supposed to push you and provide a bit of a challenge, but they also aren't supposed to drive you into the dirt from overworking on them. Keep in mind your own health, your work schedule, school schedule—whatever it may be—when it comes to working on your resolutions. Some may be time consuming, and others may be easy tasks. Either way, they should be at least some level of fun for you, and they should also provide some level of a challenge and frustrate you just a little.

I know, I know, I'm sounding like I'm repeating the same thing and talking in a circle, don't I? But I'm serious. Something can be both challenging and frustrating but not immediately make you want to quit and make you dread it. Something can be both challenging and frustrating while also being fun. You really need to find that common ground when considering New Year's resolutions.

Now, I'm going to give you a list of my resolutions. Maybe this list will provide some inspiration for anyone reading this. Mostly, it's documentation for myself (as you'll notice, I'm talking in first person to myself).

My 2016 New Year's Resolutions:

1. Don't allow yourself to fall as low as you did last year. Stress is a serious thing with you, and you know it. 2015 was the ultimate year to allow yourself to get out of hand. Sure, you adopted two cats and they help with stress management—but now you need to look inward and figure out ways to de-stress and keep the levels low.
2. Get back on a weight loss regimen. You were doing so well at the end of 2014! What happened?! Try and work out twice a week. You're still really close to the 135 pounds that's your goal weight!
3. Drink 3 cups of tea. Every day. The max to help with weight and health is 5 cups a day. If you can't achieve 5, like you wanted to in 2015, then aim for 3 this year. Plus you have a cute new mug that Jeremy bought you for Christmas to enjoy warm tea in! Although not as healthy, iced tea is always good in the summer, too. Try to get yourself off the soda, though (not the Monster. Caffeine is needed for essential school survival!)
4. Take school one step at a time and pace yourself. Do NOT allow school to contribute to your stress this year. You WILL graduate and you WILL NOT be left behind. Just take everything slow but pace yourself to keep up. Work with Jeremy on this if you have to. Don't tackle everything yourself.
5. Do all school assignments ahead of time. You did okay with this during the first half of the fall in 2015, but then you fell behind. Well, no slacking this year! First and second day of school will no longer be syllabus review days only this year. You must work on the first and second day of classes and start homework right then and there!
6. Try to read a bit more this year. It's a huge stress reliever and although you don't like doing it while also reading assigned textbooks, you should because it's something you enjoy with all your heart and something you miss dearly. Try and read 5 books this year if you can. More would be better, but dedicate time for that over the summer!
7. Change the kittens' food diet. A resolution for your pets! Why did you even start feeding them Meow Mix? Sometimes, mother's don't always know best. You should've gone with your vet tech-gut instinct and gotten them something grain free from the start. Save their digestive system while they're still young!
8. Try to eat at 7pm every night. Dinner has always been a weird thing between you and Jeremy. You both eat enough, and you both eat healthy, but your dinner growing up was always 5-6pm. He grew up with dinners anywhere from 7-8pm. Try and eat at 7pm from now on to ensure you don't get sick.
9. Go to sleep at decent times. No more staying up until 2-3am just because friends ask you to and want to play League with you. You miss Ryan and you love talking to Alex, but you need to keep in mind your health and what staying up late does to you. Get your school schedule in order and figure out what days you can stay up late and play League with friends.
10. Wake up at decent times on weekends. Try not to sleep until 2pm anymore. It's nice, and is sometimes needed, but waking up at 10-11am is also nice and allows you to allot times to get things done!

When people my age, or people who graduated high school the same year as me, or even friends or my boyfriend say they're graduating this year or next year, I'm overcome with a gripping amount of fear.

That should be me, too.

I was screwed over so badly by community college, though, and now I'm permanently stuck behind everyone in my age group—and maybe even stuck behind people who graduated high school a year after me and a year after that. I'm really far behind.

Transfer credits I was told, ensured, would transfer didn't. Transfer credits I checked multiple times to ensure they would transfer didn't transfer. The program they were a part of was cut the year I switched to university. No matter who I argued with or what I argued, they told me they wouldn't accept the credits. So I had to retake math over from the bottom. Yet again. Math is a prerequisite for many other classes needed. Me having to retake and even fail means that classes "standard" freshman take, I wasn't taking as a freshman.

I've also failed five classes so far total in my college career.

I don't let things like failing bother me anymore. I'm determined, and that's all that matters. If I can show people I can succeed because I'm willing to try again and not give up that should mean something. I don't learn the same as other people. College tests your memory skill and I obviously don't have the best memory. I'm not the type to always get things on the first try. I've accepted these things now and I've decided to push forward at my own pace.

But it's still terrifying to see others around me, my age, succeeding.

And here I am. Stuck. Unchanging.

Where am I going to be when my boyfriend succeeds and graduates? Where am I going to be when my friends graduate? How long will I actually be in college? Will I have to give up at some point—quit college to take a break and save money and come back later in life? Will I have to change my major just so I can graduate with a degree?

I'm scared.

Today, despite being a bit busy and not really having time to myself and seeing the day flash before my eyes so quickly,

Anyway, I stayed up pretty late "last night" before going to sleep. As in, I didn't go to sleep until almost three in the morning. It's a normal occurrence, although I need to figure out how to make it a little manageable for when fall semester starts.

But back to my point, my day was really good because my boyfriend Jeremy isn't the sentimental type. I've stated it before but really he's not and I feel as though I have to stress that a lot. Yes he loves me. Yes he expresses he loves me, quite a lot. But in different ways. He has his own love language. He's just a very quiet person and that's okay. When we go to sleep, usually there's a routine. One of us says goodnight first. If it's him that says it first, I reply with, "Goodnight, I love you," and he tells me he loves me too. If it's me that says goodnight first, I wait for him to say it in reply and then tell him I love him and he says it back.

This morning, though, I said goodnight first and he immediately responded with, "Goodnight. Love you," and that seriously just made me so happy. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep faster than I have been lately (I've been having sleeping troubles) and it put me in a good mood for when I woke up around one in the afternoon. Even though all I did today was clean the apartment—like literally every single surface—and do some dishes, I had a great day because of those few simple words.

It's not that Jeremy doesn't say I love you often enough—like I said, he has his own love language. He's more of the type to express his love through actions rather than words. He does say I love you, though. To be honest, even if he didn't say it that often, I don't really mind either way. Yes I am the type to need just a little bit of reassurance but I'm learning to not rely on that as often. I really only express my love in words because a lot of the time, it's not that I want a reply back. I just want to remind him that he's awesome and that I'm here and that I care.

Treasure the small things with those you love, and always keep in mind people have different love languages and ways to express themselves. Sometimes Jeremy and I have our ups and downs because of this. We're still learning each other's language. We're still young, we've only been together a year and nine months. We only started living together after a year and a half. It's only natural there will be mix-ups and misunderstandings. But whether this happens a lot or not patience, compromise, and understanding is needed in any relationship. Jeremy and I have that, and that's why we keep growing. And that's why as time goes on and I learn more about him and the way he loves—even if I need reassurance, I also know that he loves me. So, I treasure the small moments like the one early this morning where he said he loved me first.

This past weekend was extremely hectic for me. First, to start off with, some background:

I have juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. I was diagnosed at the age two months, I think? Maybe someday on here I'll share about it in greater detail. But having it at a young age, according to doctors, has worn down my immune system. I have a pretty terrible immune system. I get sick fairly easily. I also have some other problems. My second main one that is pretty severe compared to my other conditions are my chronic migraines.

This last weekend, both my immune system and my migraines decided to turn against me.

I made a bunch of food earlier in the week. So our fridge was stocked with leftovers. On Saturday, it was leftover day for dinner. All of the leftovers smelled fine, looked fine...tasted fine. But I apparently ate something bad. Before eating, I had a migraine coming on. They always start off as headaches. Since it was still a headache I figured if I ate I could get rid of it early, especially since I was planning to sleep early that day due to plans on Sunday with my mom. I went to bed around ten feeling a little off, slept for four hours, and woke up with one of the worst migraines I have ever had in my life, hands down. The only thing worse was the migraines I used to have before I was ever diagnosed and medicated for them—and this was back in 2003.

I think the migraine made it worse, but I was extremely nauseous. With each passing minute, I felt worse and worse. My boyfriend Jeremy was just going to sleep at that time. Finally, after taking my migraine medicine hoping the nauseous feeling would pass if I could just fall back asleep through the migraine, my stomach decided to get rid of its contents. I was sick for 3-4 hours, and it included vomiting and crying—and some screaming due to the migraine pain, there was so much pressure on my head—but Jeremy was there. Jeremy was worried, because I've never had a migraine this bad before, but he was there for me. He helped me. He practically carried me from the bed to the bathroom and he waited outside the door while I got sick. He made me ice packs and he made the couch into a bed for me. He stayed next to me, and then when I was feeling well enough to go back to sleep in the bedroom he practically carried me back to bed. He texted my mom so she knew I was sick and had to cancel my plans. The next day, he bought me Gatorade to ensure my stomach was settled.

A person is a person. A person is a human being. I think a lot of people set extremely high expectations of their significant other. Jeremy has already been through a lot with me. He witnesses every day my anxiety and stress. He knows about my depression. He deals with my arthritis despite me not being elderly, as expected of those with arthritis. He's always there to somehow calm me and reassure me that things are going to be alright. I don't really understand it sometimes. I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me, but sometimes I feel like he shouldn't love me. I'm not perfect. In fact, I am broken in many ways.

I fully believe that many people these days go into relationships with "broken" people with the intentions to "fix" them. That's not possible—that's not something you can do. A broken person needs to fix themselves. They can have help and support, but they need to learn to repair their own self. But there is truly something amazing about a person still loving another when they are truly at their lowest. Whether it be because of depression or just because they are sick and vomiting. There is a sort of beauty seeing someone at their lowest and still looking at them and thinking, "Wow, I really love them."

Despite how terrible my weekend was and despite feeling sorry for keeping Jeremy up, and despite feeling embarrassed over being sick—Jeremy kept telling me it was okay, petting my head reassuringly, and was using the sweetest voice possible. He's not an extremely sentimental person. He's the quiet and stoic type. But moments like that make me love him all the more.

I think it's important in relationships, after being with Jeremy for a year and living with him for a year—and living with him so early on in our relationship, at that—to accept that the one you love won't always be perfect. They will appear perfect in your eyes. But you cannot always hold them on a pedestal.

Perfect to you or not, they are a human being. Humans are not perfect. They make mistakes. They have bad days. I honestly think it's important to realize this in a relationship.

My boyfriend's parents visited from California for Saturday through Monday, and left today (Tuesday). I'm really sad they had to leave to go home because I've actually missed them quite a lot. Jeremy's parents are really great...actually, his brother is really great too, haha. But his brother is that stereotypical straight-out-of-high-school young adult who wants their freedom and independence and thinks their parents are nerds.

When life gives you lemons, you kinda just roll with it. I've got a lot going on right now, and as such I really fell behind on this site—which really sucks because this was supposed to be a sort of summer project.

Between some family drama that has blown out of proportion and has me not wanting to deal with extended family at all and summer school being a huge mess up that I'm trying extremely hard to fix, to no avail, I've had a lot of stress on my plate and I'm still not quite sure how to deal with it. The family drama ultimately effected my summer school performance, and as such, I'm trying to play catch up with way too many things. Honestly, I don't feel like I can handle it. I want a restart button for the summer. I want to be taken back to May and I want to do all of this over again—the family crap, the precalculus class I'm failing, and the online summer class I passed but because it was so intensive has messed up the other two things.

Anyway, I won't get too much into that. Possibly later, I'll make a post about it. But just know I really didn't mean to fall behind on this blog, and I'm still around! If activity is still slacking here, you can definitely find me hanging around on my tumblr.

Expect a good amount of updates to come in the next week, though!

This may not come as a surprise to anyone: But school is stressful. College is stressful. Sometimes high school is stressful. Although high school was never stressful for me unless it had anything to do with my extracurricular activities. I've never been the greatest at managing stress. Those moments I was rushing to finish projects for yearbook and photography that just weren't working were the moments I was most stressed—or in my AP classes, those caused me a lot of stress, too. I had a lot of pressure put on me from the adults in my life to do well, get straight A's or B's, and don't even think of getting a C.

It wasn't until college that I realized how high my stress levels can get in all its glory. My parents and I have argued quite a few times, as well, over my grades. I've gotten a few D's and C's...things I've never done before. But in high school (or at least the one I went to) they just hand you the grades. They don't prepare you for anything. The hard work, the sleepless nights, the insane amounts of studying that need to be done. They don't teach you study habits that work or that there's a different study technique for everyone. They don't teach you how to manage stress. These are things i had to learn all on my own.

And, ultimately, I've fallen down many times because of it.

I transferred from community college, which also treated me like I was in high school, to university. I failed two classes my first semester—both D's. I retook those classes my second semester and passed. My third semester I passed all my classes.

But this semester has once again knocked me down. I failed two classes. One class was a class that's not required, essentially, because it's the first of the classes I've taken for a certain minor and there are plenty of classes to make up for it. But it still looks bad that I got a bad mark, and it brings my GPA down. I also failed a class that is, in fact, required—general chemistry. I'm terrible at math, and math-based sciences. I was starting to understand chemistry, slowly, as the semester passed. But not quickly enough. The semester was over and finished by the time I was finally grasping certain concepts, and it was already too late to save my grade.

Someone asked me what this meant yesterday. If it meant I was going to give up because I failed. It didn't take me long to think about it. I told them no.

Why?

Because grades don't matter. Sure, graduate schools are going to look at your grades—employers might look at your grades. But that isn't what defines you. A letter on a piece of paper doesn't define your understanding of a concept or how well you can do your job in the future. I constantly remind myself that, even if it takes me multiple times to pass a class, I will continue to do so. Because I'm determined. And maybe someone, somewhere, when they look at my grades and transcripts will see that I was determined. That I kept trying. That a few pushes wouldn't keep me knocked down permanently.

So I hope if you read this, you can keep that little fact in mind, too. Determination shows a hard-worker. And if you love what you do—even if it concerns schooling—you should never give up your dreams. If money gets in the way, always know that you have time. You can return to your dreams. Never put them on the back-burner completely. You may have to take a pause, but it's okay.

So this semester (for some) of college is drawing to a close very slowly. In fact, coming up this next week for me are my finals already.

With that being said, I'd like to give everyone some advice on some things I learned my first semester of college. I've already posted this on my tumblr (twice, actually), but I would like to recycle this post because I feel it has some important information for those that might be starting their first year of college, or for those that didn't pick up on some of these things in their own first year. I've also added to the list, a bit.

So, here we go: Things I learned my first year of University:

LIVE ON CAMPUS

If you can, always live on campus your first year. I transferred from community college for my first year because I didn't have money to go to university my freshman year. By then, I had already acquired quite a lot of credits and wasn't able to go into a freshman community dorm. I regret it, because that's the one thing I missed out on and regret every single moment of: Freshman communities. The freshman halls are made for a reason. Take advantage of them. It's where you'll meet your best buddies and worst enemies for the years to come. Except in college enemies are pretty easy to ignore... Anyway, it's a great way to get involved. The doors are always open in the halls. It's an overall amazing experience. I haven't heard one upperclassman I know who regretted living in a freshman community. In fact, most of my friends want to rewind back to that year or live in their frosh hall again.

TRY NOT TO MISS CLASS

Sure, miss it now and again. But, in most cases: attendance counts. Which is something most high school teachers say professors don't care about. However, most professors want to give you some points for showing up to help boost your grade along, and it can really help pull your grade up in the end if you're struggling, too. It may not do too much but it's worth it in the long run.

TRY NOT TO SKIP

If you're running late, don't skip. I'm not saying don't skip now and again—just like missing class—because I think missing is healthy in some cases. It can also be stressful, however. But showing up late is better than nothing, in all honesty. Usually, if an attendance sheet is passed around, you can get it at the end of class and sign it anyway. That way you still get counted as present. So, again, it's worth it.

ALWAYS BE PREPARED TO TAKE NOTES

Some teachers don't lecture. Some teachers just put up power points and expect you to know it. Some teachers expect you to read the book and know everything. Some teachers go off on hour-long tangents they believe relate to the subject. Always take notes. Try and analyze your notes later, or rewrite them and make the more organized, as well. Also, yes, pop quizzes are a thing in college.

READ THE TEXTBOOK

Yeah, you honestly don’t use them too much, but I will tell you, the text books give you a perspective not found in lecture. And if you’re not going to read it, at least skim the book because it will benefit you in some way or another. Also remember, renting and online versions are always an option.

KEEP YOUR TEXTBOOKS

If you’re in a major where information is often recycled, you should consider keeping your textbook. Like my major, biology, for example. Everything connects, information is always recycled. It’s expensive, I know, and textbooks suck and you feel like you’re wasting money...but try and keep some of the textbooks. Selling them back isn’t always worth it. You don’t even get half of what you paid for majority of the time.

GET INVOLVED

I know, everyone says it, it sound stupid and repetitive—but find a little club you like. Whether it’s big, exclusive, a sport, or a club you make on your own or anything in between—join something! It’s a good way to meet friends and get involved. Of course, don’t let it overrun you. You have other responsibilities than the club, which is simply an extracurricular activity. But I can assure you, it’s fun. I was in my school’s Korean club for a while (before bullying got the best of my former roommates, who are from South Korea, and I got tired of the racism from other Koreans...so we all left) and it was a great learning experience and a great way to do something on a Friday afternoon.

MAKE SURE TO GET SLEEP

Seriously, it’s a huge thing. Sleep. You need to retain that information from the studying. You’re going to burn yourself out if you keep pulling all-nighters or not taking naps. The body works best on two increments of 4-hours sleep schedules rather than a full drawn-out 8-hour one...so if that’s what you end up doing, do it! Because sleep is important to your education and health!

TAKE CLASSES FOR FUN

Don’t burn yourself out with your major. Some “fun” classes also fill credit requirements for graduation sometimes, as well. If you have too many major/minor courses, you’re not going to be able to remember everything (especially in, for example, biology, where everything connects and overlaps). It’s just going to be way too much to take in.

GET A MEAL PLAN

Don’t be that asshole that doesn’t have a meal plan and asks their friends with the highest meal plan for food every week. When it’s toward the end of the week, sure, I want to share with you, because they don’t rollover. But if you’re asking for food on a Monday or Tuesday, you’re just mooching, and you’re a dick (sorry, I’ve had experience with this and I got pretty fed up with it). Know how much you can eat, though, before you get a meal plan! I recommend the meal plan in the middle of the lowest and highest number of meals per week. If you don’t eat, you don’t function. But don’t assume just because you eat a lot you can get the highest meal plan. Sometimes you’ll find the food on campus isn’t the greatest and your appetite isn’t as large as you’d previously thought it was while living at home. And sometimes meal plans don’t rollover to the next week. It’s a set number. So don’t waste your money if you really don’t eat a lot. But don’t get so little food that you’ll starve. But meal plans are great to even get snacks and such around campus, not just “meals” and it ensures that you actually remember to eat.

TRY TO EAT HEALTHY

Even if you just grab a banana or orange or a quick salad to go—do it. Trust me. So much intake of food without much flavoring, no matter how healthy it’s advertised to be, is going to wear down your immune system. I used to constantly get sick.

STUDY

I’m serious. You did well in high school not studying, but once you get to college, it’s not going to be as easy. And it only gets more difficult as you get into higher numbered classes. Find a study technique that works for you. Try out new techniques. Don’t give up just because you failed your first test and the way in which you studied is the only way you know how. Ask for help, ask for advice, take advantage of tutoring and go to review sessions, and just, again, find something that works for you. Color code things, use sticky notes, highlight important aspects. Make study guides, too, or mock-tests. And try teaching other people what you’ve learned.

REVISE AND REWRITE YOUR NOTES

This is seriously my favorite thing to do, because I like to make my notes pretty. I color code my notes based on key words, topics, headings, or sub-topics of the concepts. I put questions in my notes that, as I'm reviewing them, allows me to think about what I'm studying and looking over. Plus, there's something about the way our mind works that, when we rewrite things we've written before, helps engrave it into our brain.

GO TO FOOTBALL GAMES

Or any school event. You may not like football, or a specific event, but it’s a great atmosphere and it’s a nice way to spend time with friends.

CALL HOME

It’s a huge stress-reliever at times, talking to your parents or siblings. It may just help ease some anxiety you have. Texting doesn't always cut it. Skype, too—that's even better!

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF INTERNATIONAL EVENTS

International students on campus often put on events through their respective clubs or dorms. Go to these things if you have a chance. Take it from me, I lived with two South Koreans: They work hard to make it good for you and to teach you about their country, so go learn about it. It’s fun, there may be food involved, you meet new people, and it’s an easy way to immerse yourself in a new culture.

MAKE FRIENDS WITH INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS

This is usually a way to create great lifelong friendships. Having lived with my former roommates, I know this much: They’re shy, they’re scared. They think Americans don’t like them. Americans think they don’t like us because of the habit they have to stick to themselves or to their own. They do that because of some of our stereotypes. So be the one to break the silence and approach them first. And no matter what—don’t make fun of them! If it’s lighthearted teasing of friends, okay; but don’t make fun of their appearance, their dialect, or anything of the sorts because it’s very hurtful to them. You want to make them remember the country as a place they enjoyed being in and want to return to.

MANAGE YOUR TIME

I suck at it and don’t know how. I don’t know how to manage my time or stress (mainly how to take breaks from studying or homework), so I often let things get the better of me. Always take breaks. Snack breaks, video game breaks, reading breaks. Do something that is stress-relieving and makes you happy. Because you don’t want to hate school, it will change your entire attitude and performance. So make sure you study, break, eat, sleep, and have fun. Also, try to finish everything before a due date. It gives you more free time and it eases stress.

DON'T TOUCH DOGS ON CAMPUS—SERIOUSLY

Dogs are a common thing on college campuses. Don’t touch them. No matter what, do not touch a dog without permission. That’s standard etiquette for anyone who wants to pet a dog. But on college campuses, more often than not: the dogs are service animals. Meaning they are working, or in training to work. It’s stressful for the owners and the dog if you run up to them excited to see a puppy, trying to touch them. Don’t do this. This dog is working. It’s employed. Just don’t touch them without permission. And if the owner says no—do not act offended about it. It’s not your dog in the first place, it’s not your place to decide whether you should touch the animal or not.

JOIN A FRATERNITY OR SORORITY

Keep in mind, this is coming from someone who isn't in one. Not one of the party ones, though. Or maybe, it’s up to you. But do know that those aren’t all that’s available. There are a lot of sororities and fraternities that are dry, meaning there’s no alcohol involved and they’re mainly focused on business and/or community service of sorts. It’ll look good on your resume, so try it out if you can find one.

BE CIVIL WITH YOUR ROOMMATES

You’re living with them for a year. You may not like them, but try to get along. Try to settle things on your own if you don't get along before going to anyone in charge, because that might cause a bigger rift.

MAKE FRIENDS WITH A CLASSMATE

Even if just for that semester. You may miss class and need notes or help. You may need to go to a study group. But make friends. Or just acquaintances. But try to talk to your seat partner or people who sit around you, or whoever you're working with in lab. Get their number if you can. Even students that are about to graduate still need study buddies sometimes, so don't be afraid of age or year gaps, either.

DON'T THINK EVERYTHING TAUGHT IN HIGH SCHOOL ACCOUNTS FOR COLLEGE

Honestly, it doesn’t. I was told you could never show up late to class, couldn’t turn in late homework, etc, etc. Honestly, it depends on the professor what you can and can’t do. There are some that are seriously strict (I have a bio professor who kicked students out of lecture for talking while she was talking) and there are some who aren’t. So familiarize yourself with the syllabus, try to ask questions to your professor after class and get a better feel for them. Also, asking questions is good anyway. But honestly...college doesn’t care. You’re an adult, you need to put your big girl-or-boy panties on and take care of yourself. They’re not going to always bug you about things like in high school or remind you of due dates. Sometimes professors will bring it up in passing, sometimes they won’t. Sometimes they might even remind you of such things. But the best bet is to make sure you know your syllabi inside-out.

If you read this super-long post all the way through, I wish any of you whose semester is almost over luck on your finals! Or, if you're planning on starting college after this summer...well, good luck to you and maybe keep some of these points in mind.